”In a desperate attempt to appease the preteen muscle goddess, I reached back onto the bench and gave her the Smurfette that I had been carving. “I made this for you, Princess Becky, Queen of the Universe.”Becky’s eyes lit up and her posture softened as she took the whittled figurine. “It’s neat,” she said. “I’m a little too old for Shhhmurfs, though. Could you make me a horse?”“I could,” I said.“I can’t even watch the Smurfs at home,” she said. “Mom doesn’t like me watching TV. She just wants me to read math books and science books and books about gender theory.”“Sherry has some old Judy Blume books, if you’d like to borrow them,” I offered.Becky hopped with joy. “Really!? Thanks, Mishhhter Parker.”I took a deep breath. This is what being a father was all about. It only took a few seconds of actual parenting to undo all the psychopathic eugenics that Dr. Rachel Finklestein had been subjecting her daughter to. “I’ll go get them,” I said.“While you do that I’ll go get my Halloween. When the world started spinning, Keven caught me as I slumped toward the ground and then everything went dark. When I opened my eyes, I was disoriented. An unknown man in full fire gear was leaning over me, fitting an oxygen mask over my face. He was rapidly joined by another man in an EMS uniform. I blinked stupidly, looking around for Keven. I spotted him about five feet away, looking at me with concern etched all over his face. I held my hand out toward him and he brushed the cop beside him away to kneel by my legs and take my hand. My blanket covered legs, I saw. At least someone listened to the voice in my head. The fireman gave him a look that just bounced off Keven. When it was someone else’s trouble, he was a lot more calm than his own it seemed. The paramedic spared Keven a glance and went back to work, looking into my eyes with a small light, unconcerned with the intrusion. I focused on the paramedic and didn’t try to speak until he started asking me the standard battery of.
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